What a learning curve it is to trust. During the most crucible moments are when the deep work and progress are revealed. Right now is one of those moments.
I’ve encountered this kind of situation time and again. However, this time I’m now aware that what I’m walking into is a lion’s den. There’s no certainty of how things will go, and yet I feel a subtle hint of trust that things will work out.
So subtle.
Through all of the past volitile times, I couldn’t be too sure of the trust. It’s painfully conflicting, you know, to not be sure. And yet, that uncertainty has been distilling down to reveal what is trustworthy with practice. Like ripping caked and crusty carpet out of a home to clear the space for new ways of living.
It’s coming from an elusive place, the most elusive - a conversation between me and a higher power. The trust softly sings out through the ways in which I’ve changed myself; I’ve changed my behavior to become more attuned to it.
In order to listen and in order to speak - in order for the trust to build - I need to be present to it. I need my voice to be heard, clear as sunlit days. I need to be heard to by invisible ears reverberating across miles. I need for my words to be accepted, refusing dissociation in the matter.
I need this.
I don’t know what will happen from here, I don’t. This has been scary; I’m scared. Likely others are too. But the fear is worth stepping through. The trust is worth testing.
Contrary to popular belief, freedom doesn’t come at a price. Anyone who says otherwise is describing deceit, as “the cost of freedom” showcases it in plain sight. Written right into the words themselves.
Not my freedom.
My freedom is free. As it’s always been, as it will be. I’ll go ahead and trust my belief, try it and see.